breaking eggs

I've been a weeeee bit depressed this week. There's been something on my mind that's really bugging me. Well, not so much on my mind, but rather on my chest.

Warning: if you don't like "TMI" now is the time to walk away.

My boobs are still growing. The last time I posted about the big boob issue, I had entered into a 38M.

I'm currently spilling out of said 38M and the last size you can get online is N.  I fear I need something bigger than that and I just can't find it anywhere.

I'm in desperate need of a breast reduction but if I get one right now, I would need to hire a live-in nanny, a maid and a cook. While my kiddos are so young and dependent, there's just no way I can have a surgery and take six weeks off from motherhood to recover.

What I need for right now is a bigger bra.

I don't mind the size really and can you believe that I'm JUST NOW starting to experience pain? My left breast is significantly bigger than the right and when unsupported (or poorly supported)  its tremendous weight pulls the skin on my chest, the tendons in my neck all the way up to my scalp. My upper back stays knotted and my clavicle feels like its cracked. Not cool.

I'm trying to lose weight, taking up exercise several days a week(no jumping jacks!) and cutting back on carbs but I fear it's not my weight that's the issue. I've only lost five pounds so far but my boobs just keep getting bigger and bigger. Pray for me,ya'll. I need a miracle.

A boobtastic miracle.

OK! Now that I've gotten that crap out of the way... let's PARTY!!

 I'm currently working on an upcoming Mardi Gras event. It's a god old fashion masquerade ball, but with a steampunk theme. I'm actually pretty tired of steampunk but we figured it'd be best to ride the recent wave of popularity before is recedes back into the sea of worn out sub-genres and trends... again.

A couple of friends of mine donated their huge collection of beads for us to use as decoration. I like the traditional Mardi Gras colors of purple, green and gold so I spent half a day untangling and picking out those pesky rebel colors. 

I found this gem in the lot.

I used a couple dozen of the necklaces to jazz up a cheap leprechaun to hat for my ball costume.

All it took was some hot glue, a few hours (two kids) and a tiny bottle of wine. I'm not done with it and I'm not going to show you the finished product until after the ball. I would rather show you all what it looks like with my costume. 

A little randomness:

And for everyone saying Cedar looks like me.... she's a clone of her father. We made her... in a laboratory.

(Joke.)

Lookin' cool.

   Rave in the bathtub.

  This was back on River's birthday. I let him eat an entire cinnamon roll.

I'm a good mama.

 And the coup de gras!!

CEDAR FACE TIME!!

...oh and boobs. Yeah, boobs.

Sweet Moses in a basket, it's Autumn! Do you know what that means for me? Do ya!!!

You guessed it!

No more sweating!!

 Now I can layer up, break out the red lipstick, wear my hair down and zip my boots up.

I am so friggin' excited about the cooler weather that now I'm looking for an excuse to leave the house just so I can dress up and feel the air.

Dress: www.599fashion.com

Leggings: Walmart

Wrist Cuff: Just a Dollar

Belly dance costume necklace: wholesale novelty website (has matching coin belt)

Boots: hand-me-downs

One dollar bling ring!

Look, ma! No sweat! 

Oh yeah, and I've got some strange news for ya.

Well remember the post I did about the ugly truth behind having big boobies? And then I posed in a photo the reads "My name is Hollie and I wear a 38I bra"?

Well... not any more...

 Now we're looking at at 36M folks. 

"N" is the end of the road and that's really the size I need since I have one booby larger than the other. 

Let me repeat what I just said so you can get the full effect of my problem here:

BRAS DON'T GET BIGGER THAN AN "N"

I'm not breast feeding, I'm not gaining weight... they're just... growing.

My feet too!  I've gone up a whole shoe size in a year!

What is this? Second puberty?

Well, I'm applying for Medicaid with hopes that they can help assist me or even pay for a much needed breast reduction surgery. My hatred of my massive chest is no longer an issue of vanity...

I'm just worried about where on earth I'm going to get a 36Z bra in the near future.

Or... I could stop worrying and just do this for the rest of my life? Hm? Whaddya think?? I think I'll be good at it. I'm think I'm definitely qualified for this position of tea... holder....

lights, camera, action, awkward

  I have a theory that everyone in the world will appear on television at least once in their lives. Well, I know that this is impossible but I don't think I'm too far off on the thought.

Have you ever seen a news report on a new study on obesity? They film fat people walking down the street and just crop their heads out of the shot so that the fatty can remain "anonymous"? 

That could have been you... or me...

Have you ever seen the news crew out to film the opening of a bank or grocery store or something like that? Well, if you saw them, they probably saw you too.

See? It's that easy. Whether you know it or not, you've probably already been on television.

You're a star.

 Tuesday I made my first ever TV appearance - and no I wasn't filmed from the neck down eating a Big Mac and drinking a diet coke. I was interviewed about my Renaissance Faire on a local talk show called Heart to Heart on KLFI TV channel 10.

I wasn't nervous about the interview at all. I'm an "oh well" kinda person. I knew that if I screwed up and made myself look like an idiot: "Eh, oh well. What's done is done. Nothing I can do about it now so no use in crying about it."

The interview went well , the questions were nice and easy but there was one thing that I hated about the whole thing: the way I had to sit to be seen by both cameras.

My massive diddies were sitting in my lap.

Don't act like you didn't notice. Go ahead. Stare. It's ok, I understand. They're huge.

BAHAHAHA!! Now you can't stop looking at them! You're trapped!

 I'm not sure when the show airs but I think they'll post it on YouTube or Vimeo when it's time. I'm hoping to use the video as part of my resume so I can get that news anchor job I'm been lusting after for years.

I am one sexy and articulate hussie.

Total news anchor material.

(I don't really wanna be a news anchor but I've been told several times that I'm cut out for it. So if the opportunity arises, I probably wouldn't turn it down.)

 For the interview I wore one of my "tone it down when you go to church" outfits: A top recently purchased at Goodwill and a hand me down maxi skirt... and of course my new giant blinged out arachnid.

Have you ever been on television? Share m'ladies! Share!

NY: Day Four

Are ya sick of hearing about New York yet? HEEHEE!! Sorry!

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The day after the wedding we all piled up into the bride and groom's apartment for brunch. Er... lunch... dinner? The party was supposed to start at NOON and the food wasn't ready until FOUR! I'm not going to complain too much about all that though. There was AC in the apartment, delicious leftover wedding food to snack on and good company... and lots of mid-day boozing so the wait wasn't so horrible.

While waiting for the shindig to get started Caleb snuck off to a festival that was happening not even a block away from the apartment. What a douche! He came back with this French fireman's helmet...

 .... and this beaded elephant for my ornate pachyderm collection. I guess I'll forgive him for leaving me. 

 Guess what? After sitting in the cool for hours waiting for the food... the power went out. Bye bye AC. Why does NY hate me so much?

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After a while we all started to get a bit bored and restless. I didn't come all the way to NY to sit and wait for food for four hours. So me and my sis-in-law Krista went to check out the festival. It spanned about five blocks and it was aaawwweesome. 

 The booths at our festivals here in Texarkana sell nothing but kettle corn, blowup toys, crap mass produced Native American decor, cowboy figurines and "country chic" art. This festival was such a lovely change from our little world of cheap dream-catchers and rooster shaped cookie jars.

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Later that evening I took my first train ride ever to get into the city. 

When we got to Grand Central my husband kept saying:

 "There's the clock. New York's most famous clock."

I looked around, up, down - "Where?"

"Right in front of you."

"I don't see a clock."

"How can you not see it? It's right there?"

  "What clock?!?!"

"Right THERE!!"

"That clock? I was looking for something more impressive... you know like Big Ben."

"Nope, that's it."

"What's so great about it?"

"It's old..."

(Click this link to find out what's so great about this clock)

Moving on: we set off down Fifth Ave just to see where we'd end up.

 at some point we stumbled across and into the Rockefeller Center - just aimlessly wondering around..

 ...and I got the world's worst characture done. It looks nothing like me. The only thing he got right was my jugs.

I look so terrible in this photo!! All fat and shiny and blubbery lookin'.

He got the boobs perfectly right! They're huge and one is bigger than the other!

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We hailed a rickshaw and asked the driver to take us to the nearest Japanese restaurant.

Food time!

Sorry veggie heads, you might wanna skip over this part.

We had very rare marinated duck, a mushy raw salmon thing with a raw quail egg on top and smoked eel box sushi. As gross as it all sounds... it was AWESOME!

Soon after we ate, it started to sprinkle a little and we had to haul booty to get the station to catch our train back to Tarrytown. On the way there we spied the Chrysler building. Cool beans, no?

At the station I sent Caleb to get some coffee while me and River waited. 

He got stopped by a few TSAs and they questioned the heck out of him about where he was going, what he was doing and all they jazz. He told them his train was leaving in just a couple of minutes but they didn't let up. We missed our train and I spazzed. I was sure we were going to have to spend the night at the station and I was pissed (I don't know anything about how the train system works) but thank God there was another one coming up just a few minutes later. 

There was a lot we didn't get to see due to time issues, but I'm not bummed about it. I know we'll be back.

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There's one more post left!

Next up: Great buys, no more sweat and heading home!