fightin' the blues

I got the blues. Yup the weepy, mood swingin', sleep deprived "baby blues" (postpartum depression's less threatening cousin). It's a pain in my butt because I like to be happy and STAY happy. I've become very clingy to my husband and I absolutely hate being alone (a sleeping newborn isn't much company). I've been trying to chase the blues away by taking fish oil, flaxseed oil, vitamin D and large doses of Bob's Burgers on Netfllix. I feel a little better today and I hope and pray that this little grey cloud will continue to roll away. So to celebrate my slight improvement in mood I decided to make a board of some blue goodies I'm lusting after right now.

#1. Space plugs by mysticmetalsorganics on Etsy- now that I'm working my way up to 00ga, I'll finally be able to wear more detailed plugs. Me is excited. Dig it: this seller has a pair of plugs featuring a photo of a delicious breakfast - those are one my lust list as well.

#2. Handbag from ShoeDazzle.com - Unfortunately I don't know anything about this bag because you have to register on the website to look at the items (bummer) but I know that I want this bag to belong to me. Right now.

#3. Starry tights from The Pea's Knees - Aren't these adorable?!?! That's all I have to say.

#4. Blue Turntable! - I need a new record player so bad. The one I own now was rescued by my mom at the school she worked at. A teacher was about to throw away a gently used school issued record player for no reason. The record player has been in my possession for four years and now and it's worn out! My records sound like they were recorded underwater. Yup- time for a new one. The one in the photo is from Sears for $160 but I found you can get the same one from Mod Cloth for $110.

#5. Blue chunky heels from SammyDress.com - I own an awful lot of heels for someone who never wears them. My feet are flat and wide like Fred Flintstone and wearing them for more than just a couple of hours is sour balls. But looking at my heel collection I've realized... I have a terrible habit of buying blue heels. I don't know why. Maybe I'll make that my trademark: blue heels... and a limp.

So, now it's time to bathe and change my bandages. If anyone wants to er... you know... buy me anything... from this list... just let me know. Heh, just kidding.

Or am I?

the first week: bindis and butterflies

Four hours of sleep daily. Tiny little fingers and tiny little diapers. Spit up and mustard yellow poopy. Sore nipples and an itchy wrinkly postpartum belly. That's what's up now.... 

::scratch, scratch, scratch, yaaaaaaaawn::

Here are a few photos from my first week as a mommy

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Sorry to get all mushy gushy here but my husband is amaaaaaazing.

Since my 30 hour labor/c-section/fibroid removal last Sunday, my husband has proven himself to be one heck of a care taker. He supervises my baths, changes my bandages, helps me get dressed, takes care of baby River when needed, runs the errands AND works full time managing the mobile home park we live in. He's top banana!

Here's our collection of hospital bracelets we had to wear. Believe it or not, there are a few bracelets missing. Time to get a scrapbook I guess.

I was totally prepared to have a completely natural birth (I had an unplanned c-section) but sometimes when I look at this little fellow I think, "My gosh! All of THAT was supposed to come out of WHAT?!" The c-section was THE worst experience of my life but I can't help but be a weeeeeee bit grateful that I didn't have to push all of eight pounds of this bouncing Buddah baby out of my....

But if I have my say in how events go the next time I give birth I will be MORE than happy to try natural again.

 River's Granny bought this CD for us at a garage sale a few months ago. She's a a very humble and conservative woman so I was pretty darn surprised when she presented us with this gift. The CD is awesome and the music is sooooo dreamy!

The baby had his first checkup with the family doctor a few days ago. 

 He cooperated very well- even giving the doctor a big yawn when it was time to look inside his mouth.

Ah, yes... and.... er, everything is as it should be. ;)

Our doctor's equipment is super retro. He's not trying to be cool or make a statement by using old medical stuff- it's just that if it's still in working order, safe to use and still looks good, why replace it?? Smart man.

Here are some of the awesome gift's I've received:

My husband found this gorgeous hand painted serving tray at the hospital's gift shop. Isn't it lovely?

 

Here's a little gift I got for myself. I was chilling at home trying to figure out if  was actually in labor when I ordered these amazing necklaces from Natasha Hanson's Etsy shop. I got these in the day after we got home from the hospital. Just in time!

One of my awesome midwives got me some orange ginger candy, tea and beautiful bindis. It all came in this ADORABLE felt owl tote.

I'm pretty darn behind on work, I have a Steampunk Valentine's day ball to finish planning and it's waaaaay past time to update my Renaissance Faire paperwork and contracts but the baby is a little more important than that stuff right now.... even though I have a town of 63,000 people waiting on me to announce the dates of the faire for this year.

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I'm recovering pretty well. I can get around well enough to do some light cleaning and cooking but I still need a little help bathing and getting dressed sometimes. I'm pretty proud of myself for adjusting to new mommy life so quickly- for example, I'm not at all upset that it has taken me almost two days to finish this post.

Gotta go. Time to go pump again.

little head big head

Ah, they joys of motherhood. It's 4am and I'm blogging and massaging toots out of a gassy 5 day old baby. Life is sweet.

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So dig it, I ordered this hat for the baby from Ebay a few weeks ago. The description said it was  "winter warm the baby double ball earmuffs monochromatic Crochet hat!"  I was like, um ok.... it's cheap and cute with a poorly translated description- me want. Well I got the hat in yesterday only to find that I didn't even think to look at how big it is when I ordered it. It's waaaaaaaay too big for a newborn baby (or any baby for that matter)  but just right for meeee! Mine all mine.

Lemme tell you a bit about the arrival of our new little one:

The whole labor and birth ordeal took over 30 hours and I had an emergency c-section AND they removed a surprise softball sized fibroid from my uterus shortly afterwards. This is our third day home and I'm so stoked that I can finally get around the house without a walker. I still can't stand upright or bathe or dress myself too good right now but no worries- my husband is the best dang nurse on the planet! I won't give you all the gory details of what he's done for me but I will say this: I don't know how you would define a good husband, but to me a good husband is a man who will change his wife's bloody diapers without hesitation or complaint.

Love and marriage ain't always pretty folks.

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I'm not quite ready to go into full details about River's birth right now. The whole thing was actually pretty traumatizing and it's kind of hard to talk about right now soooooo... how about some photos instead?

Daddy!

This was taken WELL after birth. I looked soooo much better here.

Baby Ramsey is here!

James River Ramsey:

Born January 20th at 6:41am, 8 pounds 1.5 ounces delivered safely via emergency c-section at Good Shepherd Hospital in Marshall, TX. His womb buddy (a softball sized fibroid) was born a few minutes later. Everyone is doing well... except for the giant tumor thingy... they had to take that out back and shoot it.

Details later.

ready or not here comes mama!

Here we go. 4 days over my due date and I'm ready to just dive in there and get this baby out myself. I'm going to reach in, grab him by the foot and yank him out! Ok I won't do that (yet), but that's how ready I am to get this over and done with.

A couple of days ago I asked my midwife if it was ok to try the old castor oil trick and she told me to wait for my next appointment so we could discuss some less "violent"  methods. Well that appointment was today...

Let the homeopathic labor induction begin!

Since the midwife if not a fan of using castor oil to induce labor she gave me her "bag-o-tricks" with a detailed list of instructions for use. There's a lot of stuff in the bag and a long list of instructions and I really don't feel like explaining what's what right now... but if any of these products work, I'll be sure to let you know.

 My mom swears by castor oil and red cabbage to jump start labor so we picked up some pre-mixed salad after the appointment..and a bottle of castor oil "just in case".

 I looooooooove salad and I haven't had any in forever. I was a little freaked out to find that I ate the whole bag by myself but oh, well. Right now I can still shrug it off and say "I'm pregnant" and everyone will think it's cute... cute that I ate a pound of salad by myself. 

This behavior won't be acceptable soon. Especially not with the way I eat salad- just as much shredded cheese, bacon bits and dressing as there is salad. Delish.

Let's hope this red cabbage thing works.

Any signs of labor yet?

My contractions are getting a little stronger and definitely more frequent, my cervix is nice and soft, I'm just a teeny bit dilated and I cut my hair tonight (failed at a new years resolution already). I usually freak out about my hair when I'm super hormonal. When I get to the point of taking the scissors to it myself, that means something's a'brewin'.

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Will this be my last bump shot??

Sorry for the boring outfit but my wardrobe is pretty limited these days.

 My footwear selection is also pretty limited as well... and surely you can see why...

Who's foot is this?!?!?

OK, folks. I'm off. The next time I write a post hopefully it'll be about the arrival of this little one.
Let's get herbed up and go have a baby!
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Oh! One more thing!
Look at these gorgeous necklaces I just bought from my bloggy friend Natasha Hanson's Etsy store!
She's moving her online shop so she's having a 60% off moving sale.
Check out her amazing goods here!

Sadie is delicious

Ok, so this is Sadie. She's my favorite belly dancer in the whole wide world (and the most watched on YouTube.) Watch the first video to get a taste of her effortless motions, grace and unique style... Then watch the second video to see her workin' it 6 months pregnant with her first child. Wowzers.

kiss my buns! {going past due date}

My due date was the 15th. I really didn't feel like that was going to be "the big day" so I just went on about my day like it was any other day... well kind of. I was abnormally tired and mopey all day. I slept poorly and woke up way too early... then I went down for a nap and slept waaaaay too long.

We had to cancel our midwife appointment that was scheduled for today because of the weather. It sleeted this morning and the roads were just a tiny bit icy. Yes that's all. Sleet. This is East Texas and no one around here is used to driving in any kind of wintery weather so everything shuts down at the first sign of ice (ramps, bridges, even businesses and schools)- plus our midwife's office is over an hour away and that drive would have been taking us towards worse weather.

So anywho- this evening I got really sick of laying around in bed  doing nothing....so I got up, got dressed.... and did nothing....

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Yeah, yeah, yeah I know I should be up moving around, maybe even going for a lovely stroll with my husband in the park right? NO. We went to Target last night to get some diapers and receiving blankets and we were in there for about thirty minutes just to get two items. I could barely walk! People would stop doing what they were doing to gawk at me and watch me walk by. Huge belly, leaning back walking like a bow legged buffalo- yes I am truly something to behold in this state.

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Now, I'm still just lounging around like a glamorous Jabba the Hutt listening to Radiohead - waiting for a sign. Wait! I think I felt something! Oh, never mind.  Just a little gas.

Mama tried to warn me.

My mom's a pretty glamorous woman. You'll NEVER catch her in public without makeup and if she goes out in public wearing less than her best, well- you're not going to see her because she's not going to get out of the car. She's not beauty or age obsessed- she's just in the habit of looking good.

When I was about 21, I moved back in with my parents and that's when I started to feel the heat about my appearance. My mom didn't care about what I wore- I've always dressed offbeat and she knows that's just me... but makeup... oh boy.

Have you ever been yelled at by your mom for not wearing lipstick?

Have you ever gotten into an argument with your mother because you didn't want to fill in your eyebrows?!

This was a daily part of life for me. Can you imagine rumbling with your mother everyday because you weren't wearing enough makeup??

Well, today at aged 27, I now see why my mom was riding my back all the time.
I was just messing around taking photos before going to Target to pick up a few baby items....

Then I put on some make up and took a couple more shots- just passing the time waiting around for my husband...

Big friggin' difference. I've NEVER noticed this before.

Now- to further explain, I am a makeup wearer- but I'm not going to get all gussied up just to go run to the Dollar General to pick up some milk. It's just not worth it to me... (especially not these days at nine months pregnant).  But if I'm going to make the effort to get dressed, then I'm going to get dressed, you know what I mean? It never takes me more than ten minutes to put on a full face of makeup but sometimes I just don't feel like it.

I'm not really sure how I feel about this new discovery- the difference between me in no makeup vs me all dolled up. For a minute there my confidence was a little shaken and I was a tad bit embarrassed (even remorseful) about all the times I've gone out in public makeup-free... I even showed the before and after photos to my husband with tears in my eyes trying not to cry over how awful I felt I looked in the "before" photo.

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I know I'm not monstrously hideous without makeup but I do acknowledge that I look better with it...

I've decided that I'm not going to lose sleep over this issue...

(**wails**) NOW TELL ME I'M PRETTY!!

Hee hee, just kidding.

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So how do YOU feel about makeup? 

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P.S.

I'm due today. Don't get too excited though- I'm not showing any signs of going into labor any time soon. I think it'll probably be another week.

  Another loooooong boring week.

Until then... let's get weird.

so, um- I'm having a baby... tomorrow?

 So here it is. The time is nigh. Or is it?

My due date is Jan 15th (tomorrow) and this is my first kid. I hear tale that the first babies are never on time. But here's something a lot of women don't realize: there's really no such thing as a "due date".  The due date is just a estimation of when the baby should be arriving. Could be before... could be after...

I hate that so much. Now I feel more restless and impatient than ever realizing this.

So I've been passing the time sleeping, cleaning, watching documentaries on Netflix with my husband, blog hopping and pretty much anything I can that doesn't require moving around a lot or leaving the house.

These days super suck because I'm still bored and I've been aching to get dressed up and go out and strut my big fat belly around town. 

OK, there's so many things wrong with what I just said:

#1: I can't get "dressed up". I've nothing to wear anymore. I'm just too big.

#2: I can't strut. Heck, I can barely walk.

#3 The only thing to do in town is to go to a bar or go out to eat. We're broke... and we don't do the bar thing.... especially not now.

I'm pretty thrilled about all the clothes I'll be able to wear again once I have this baby. Well, I know it won't be super soon- I've gained 40 pounds for crying out loud....

Playing a wee bit of dress up makes me a feel a little better- even if I'm not going anywhere.

Dickies Sunglasses: Citi Trends

Cardigan: Thrifted

Shirt: Hand-me-down

Scarf: Just a Dollar

0ga flesh tunnels - Ebay

NYC Lipstick in Retro Red: K-Mart on sale for .50

I had a crazy dream the other morning. I dreamed that I had the baby in a hospital in a shallow bathtub- it was a boy. The birth was totally painless and the baby was taken away to be cleaned and examined for three days. I didn't even get to see his face before they took him.  Everything was very calm in this dream. No one was worried or panicked about anything- not even me. When I finally got my baby back I found that he was healthy, very beautiful and looked just like me... and weighed about 30 pounds.

30 pounds!!?!?!? Man, I hope that's not a sign.

just one push present... please?

Eating: Whoppers from Burger King (yes, plural)
Drinking: Watered down apple juice
Listening to: Nick Drake
Feeling: better
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A few years ago I was watching some stupid current events news show and they were talking about "push presents". A push present is gift a husband buys for his wife after she gives birth. On this particular show they were reporting on celebrity push presents (this was when all the chicks in Hollywood got knocked up at the same time and babies were the most hep accessory to have).

So anyways, among these push presents being reported were things like crazy expensive diamond jewelry, cars, vacations, houses... Cool right? Whatever. Pphhhhffffff, maybe I'm just a little jealous.

But you know- I don't know of any woman who has ever received a push present. Probably because #1 Who's got that kind of money? and #2 The baby is the push present.

But in my selfish little fantasy world (tucked deep within my mind) I know what I would ask for if I were getting a "push present".

This $%&* bag right here.

Wouldn't you?
I found this image on Pinterest and I have no idea where I could find or one like it. I bet it's super expensive though.... but ain't I worth it?
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I've been working on my labor and birth play list today. I think music will be a really good distraction for me. When I listen to music, I go into a trance- that's why I can't really listen to it while I'm trying to do something important. When I listen to music I mostly imagine what the music video would look like if I were directing it or I choreograph a dance routine to it in my head. Sometimes, if I'm not satisfied with how things played out in my mind, I'll start the song over so I can give it another go. I've zoned out for miles doing this while driving. Totally not a good feeling to pull up in your driveway and you don't even remember how on earth you got there.
So anyways, here's a wee bit of who's on my list:
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Devendra Banhart

Young the Giant

Iron & Wine

Radiohead

Rufus Wainwright

Did you make a playlist specifically for labor and birth?
What was on it?