explaining my decision to have a natural birth to my family

I recently announced to my family that I will be having my baby at a birthing center. I couldn't wait to call everyone! I was so proud of my decision and just bursting with excitement to let them know! But I didn't get the reaction I thought I was going to get. I swear they were hearing something completely different from what I was actually saying...

What I said: I've decided to have the baby in a birthing center!
What they heard: I've decided to have the baby in a forest under a tree.


What I said: I originally wanted to have the baby at home.
What they heard: I've never heard of a hos-pi-tal before. Gee! What's that?


What I said: My midwife is well trained. She has delivered 50 babies so far.
What they heard: My midwife is a voodoo priestess named Humphrey. She eats babies.


What I said: I will use no drugs or pain killers during labor.
What they heard: I'm a masochistic psycho and I can't wait to have my vagina turned inside out!


What I said: I don't want to just "have the baby". I want to have a birthing experience.
What they heard: "When the Moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars then peace will guide the planets...."


What I said: I might do a water birth. I've heard very good things about it.
What they heard: I hate my baby and I want it to drown in dirty poo water as soon as it's out.


What I said: I want to have an intimate, natural and beautiful birthing experience- I just don't feel like I can get that at a hospital.
What they heard: I'm a dirty hippie! Fight the system!


What I said: If I have any complications during labor or birth, I will be taken to the hospital immediately- which is literally across the street from the birthing center.
What they heard: If I have any complications during labor or birth, they'll hitch up the horses, load me up in the wagon and carry me twenty miles to Doc's cabin in the woods.... giddyup!


What I said: I'd like for you to try to understand why I'm having the baby at a birthing center. Let's talk about it, ok?
What they heard: I love hearing your opinion about how you think I'm stupid and irresponsible! I'm really looking forward to a pleasantly one-sided conversation!

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