10 things I hate that you probably love

As an eccentric 29 year old black woman, I often find myself quite enamored with things that most people might find odd, off putting, strange and perhaps even repulsive. Well, you know what? I feel the same way about what brings the average person pleasure. Would you like some examples? Sure ya do. You wouldn't have come here if you didn't, So sit back, relax, take off your bra and prepare to be amazed... or shocked... maybe even offended?

THE HATE LIST:

(Yeah, it's more than 10 things)

I hate cheesecake. I think I've mentioned that one before.

I hate going to the movies. It's too expensive and not worth it to me.

Country music. I hate country music so hard it hurts.

I hate bananas.

I hate tequila. I think it tastes like vomit.

I hate seeing people "vape". I used to do it myself, but there's just something about it that looks silly to me.

I hate today's pop music.

I hate having my skin lightly stroked. I'm a vigorous massage kinda gal. If you're going to touch me, make it worth it.

I hate snakes.

I hate hugging my mom and dad and sisters. I don't know why. I've always been that way.

I hate hype - especially with movies and books - which leads me to my next hate:

I hate how every new book is being turned into a movie now. Why? Because it creates too much hype for the book and that makes me not wanna read it.

I hate Coca-Cola. It makes my teeth feel gritty.

I hate bands with female lead singers. I don't know why. I just do.

I hate being referred to as dude, bro or buddy.

I hate big wide open spaces. It freaks me out to look up at the sky. I guess you could say I have the opposite of claustrophobia.

I hate that I have SO many great event ideas but not enough $$$ to make them happen.

I hate dryer lint. Up until a couple years ago, I refused to touch it.

I hate unpacking after a move.

I hate sports.

I hate pants. I don't even like leggings (see next hate for details).

I hate shaving my legs.

I hate being unhappy. Seriously. I don't handle it well.

I hate clutter. My house would suggest otherwise, but it's mostly my husband's stuff and I'd give it all away if I could. He's a pack-rat!

I hate when people refer to themselves as bohemian when the only bohemian thing about them is the way they dress.

I hate ice-cream sandwiches.

I hate cold cake. I like it warm, like it just came out the muthah flippin' oven.

I hate that I can't afford to go out to eat sushi everyday.

AND

I hate that you don't know how much I luuuurve you!

Ok, so that's it for now. Here's a some other stuff.

TEXAS SNOW! We had a light snow for about an hour earlier this week and now it's back up into the 60s. 

This week's nails.

My wittle girl in a thrifted skeleton suit. Everyday is Hollieween in this house.

I'm going to go do what I do best: eat stuff.

Have a great week!

what's that smell?

A few years ago, waaaaay back in the ancient times of Myspace, Xanga and Live Journal, it was the hot thing to fill out surveys about yourself. The surveys asked random personal questions that you answered so that your friends and family could get to perhaps know you better?

It's beyond me how people kept up with each other's interests and beliefs before the internet.

I've heard tale that people used to actually talk to each other. You know, like... with their mouths. And listened to the words being spoken - with their ears. Weird, no?

I'm not trying to make any kind of point with my opening paragraph. I'm really just trying to find a creative way to embark on rather lazy blogging journey.

With that being said, how 'bout I tell you a bit about myself with some quick random facts.

I have three phobias: snakes, heights and mild agoraphobia that I've learned to deal with fairly well over the years.

I hate cheesecake.

My middle name is Danielle.

I spent half my childhood in the suburbs of Marshall., TX and the other half on a farm in Kildare, TX (a tiny, tiny town with a population of about 40). 

If I ever hit the lottery, I wouldn't tell a soul.

My favorite food is toaster waffles.

I only finished one year of college and I don't plan to go back. 

I was a virgin when I got married.

My son River was not named after River Phoenix (yes I have been asked)

I love to read but I only read books in the tub, in bed before I go to sleep and... on the um... water closet...

Here's what I'm reading now by the way:

I really like McDonald's food. I think it's magical. No worries, I only eat it like once a month.

I play the bass guitar and the djembe .

My favorite color is black.

I wanted to be a professional belly dancer but I lost sight of all that when I got married. Lately, I've been brushing up on my skills and trying to lose a bit of the happy marriage weight so I can teach lessons for a little bit extra spending money.

I'm allergic to cats.

I dye my hair black to make it...well, you know blacker.

I don't watch TV or listen to the radio.

My poison of choice is gin.

So do you feel like you know me better now?

How much do we have in common?

Are you wearing any pants right now?

I would love a bite of your sandwich.

Move over WFW. I'm moving

Yes. Yes I am.

Sorry to disappoint but there will be no Wacky Fashion Wednesday today.

Oh, but why? Eh, we're moving. I forgot to mention it. Probably because we're only moving 100 yds away... into another trailer. Ugh. I am SO sick of trailer life. But as long as my husband is landlord and housing is free, I'm stuck here. We're moving into a three bedroom trailer with a WAY better layout and STORAGE!

Now I am pretty darn excited about that but let's face it, moving just plain sucks.

My mom's Aunt Louise (on the right ca. early 60s) has been put in the nursing home recently so all the nieces and nephews have been cleaning out the apartment she lived in for over 30 years.She was a party animal. She smoked cigarettes and weed and cooked terribly greasy soul food everyday in that tiny space. There is a gross film coating everything in that place and the smell attached to her belongings is unbelievable.

I haven't been in that apartment in about 15 years because 

#1 Aunt Louise scared the hell out of me. She was loud and mean.

#2 The smell and grime

#3 The roaches

#4 She lived in the ghetto

 These stinky, sticky but awesome goods have been passed on to me... or rather I picked them out myself out of the things my mother salvaged and thought I would like. 

Yes isn't this a beautiful vintage ice bucket?

Open it up and it smells like Satan's morning breath in there.

 Now, this dish belongs to me, I just wanted to share how bummed I am about it's current condition and how I am even more bummed that the super glue went missing the day I discovered this. I have no idea how it got broken. It just sat on the table and caught keys, loose buttons and receipts. How the hell did it break in half??

 We're taking our time moving since we don't really need to be out until the 5th so the house has been in a constant state of disarray for the past week. 

Now lemme tell you a a horrific but kinda funny story about Aunt Louise.

 Pay attention:

A long, long time ago after a long day of work Aunt Louise's husband (don't know his name I'll call him Jim) came home and lay down on her giant heirloom four post bed fully clothed (he was a mechanic). 

When she discovered him laying down on her fresh white bedspread she said:

Get off my white bedspread.

JIM: I'm tired. I just wanna to rest a minute.

LOUISE: I said, get off my white bedspread. You're dirty.

JIM: Woman, I'm tired!

LOUISE: Ok...

Aunt Louise leaves the room and returns with a pistol.

Two shots later... that bedspread wasn't white any more... if you know what I mean...

True story.
(EDIT: She didn't kill him...and she didn't go to jail either... don't ask. Don't ask.)

 My fear of Aunt Louise was very understandable don't you think?

She's been stabbed, shot, cursed like sailor and drank like a fish and I clearly remember her wearing a blue leopard print cat suit to a family reunion when she was in her 70s. She was a true badass.

***************

Here's my new gown. Since I can't sew and I'm cheap as heck I got this gown because it was the only affordable one in my size on Etsy. I'm going to bling it out hardcore and my $7 (!) hoop skirt I found online is on it's way. I really want to dye it dark green but I don't wanna take the risk of ruining it since it's all synthetic materials.

  Blinging to commence as soon as we move and get settled in. I'm super excited!
This is the gown in shop, the color in the photo below was waaay off but I like this beige way better. What do you think?

Wacky Fashion Wednesday (oops on Thursday)

It's been a couple of weeks since my last WFW post. Since I'm a housewife and my own boss I don't have anywhere to be or anyone to report to so I don't really keep up with the days of the week. I often times miss that it's time to do what I do best: Look stupid and feel good about it.

Today's look is:

"Oh, the Brows"

In the middle of this project I ran out of eyeliner so I grabbed my backup pencil aaaand it wouldn't sharpen because both the pencil and the sharpener are crap. I managed to use the last bit of kohl to scrub these straight-line babies on. 

Honestly, I think that's how it's supposed to be done.

These are my favorites!

 

Too bad I couldn't get around to re-creating these dotted beauties.

Well now that I think about it, I think perhaps she's bad at doing her brows so she had them tattooed on like this so she can just connect the dots.

So what about no brows?

So what about your brows? Do you fill them in? Draw them on? Shave them off? Tattoo? Pluck? Wax? Share! Share!

Me personally? I use Pic Monkey.

let's get physical

A few weeks back I wrote a post called "4 strange reasons why I want to lose weight". Well I didn't have a plan for how I was going to lose the weight... I was just talking about why I want to lose weight. So needless to say after I posted that, no effort was made to get the ball rolling on shedding the pounds. 

 

Last week, I stepped on the scale at my mothers house and was absolutely horrified by what I saw.

Not only have I gained back all 40 lbs of the "baby weight"... I've gained a total of 90 lbs since I met my husband four years ago!! WHAT?!?!? YES!!

My husband has never complained about my weight gain or even mentioned it but a heads up would have been nice. Something soothing and gentle like... "Er, honey, I love you and you're the most beautiful woman I know... but... you're getting pretty fat."

 Time to get to work... and fast!!

I've never been this big before and it freaks me out. I was in such denial about my weight gain. See, we don't have a scale and I'm finding that's not really such a good thing. I just told myself, "Oh that dress must had shrunk in the wash... along with everything in my closet..."

So that's why you don't see much about fashion on my blog. I've nothing to wear.

 So whatchu gonna do about it?

Last Monday I started a paleo-esqe diet. I cut out grains (pasta and bread), sugar, most dairy, and salt. That's pretty much what my daily diet consisted of... and LOT's of it. So now you see how I got this way? Damn you Pinterest! You an your delicious recipes!! I'll sue you blind for making me fat! Care to engage in a good old fashioned frivolous lawsuit??

So now I'm just waiting for erm... "my aunt" to leave town so I can start bronzing my buns and steeling my abs. This is the second time I've ever gone on a diet and exercise regimen. The first time I became a temporary vegetarian and danced like a wild witch in my bedroom for four hours a day. It worked and I lost 40 lbs in four months. I know this whole diet and exercise thing will work for me again.

Lucky for you, I'm not going to turn this into a health and fitness blog. That crap is boring. But I will give you all updates every now and then on how this is working out for me.

Ninety pounds... :sigh: wish me luck.

Wacky Fashion Wednesday: Independence Day Edition

Today's look is inspired by the good people of 'merica in honor of Independence Day!

 There you are - so proud in your red, white and blue...

I too have pride.

 Wiping the delicious free sample crumbs from your mouth... you are a proud, strong 'merican!

 I too am strong.

 Truth, liberty, justice. The stars and stripes forever!!!

We are 'mericans!

Brought to you by Modern Colors blog and the great people of Walmart America.

God bless.