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Monday, August 22, 2016

On femininity... part two


Ah, let's see. Where was I?
So in my last post I revealed how I was dressed like a boy growing up and how it affected my life. You can get caught up HERE on that. I ended my last post to continue at a part in my life that needed to come in a later post. So this might be part 2/3 or 2/45. We'll see.

I know some of you were confused in my last post wondering why I didn't just buy my own clothes. When I was younger my parents were very, very dominant I didn't have much a say in anything I did.  Mom's word was law and I was kind of afraid of her. By the time I had money to buy my own clothing, I just simply didn't understand how to dress like a "proper girl".

____________________________________________

During high school I still dressed like a boy but I'll never forget one day I managed to scrounge up a head-turning outfit. I wore a tight long sleeved shirt that had a geisha and cherry blossoms printed on it, my mom's  navy blue suede mini skirt, fishnet stockings and knee high platform boots. That day in English class, my crush of several years noticed me and wouldn't leave my side. I was elated. But lo and behold, I would never be able to pull together another outfit like that again so bye-bye attention. But really, if he didn't like me for who I was in men's jeans, then he didn't deserve me in a suede mini-skirt. So whatever, dude.


At my senior prom I made my friend's moms cry with my Cinderella-esque transformation. My mother was pleased with her masterpiece and so was I. After that, my mom was a little more into my appearance, encouraging me to look more presentable - like how she made me look for prom. Pretty confusing, huh?
(By the way prom is dumb but you should let your daughter's go so they can be a princess for a day. They might never get the chance to look and feel that beautiful ever again!)

After my first year of college I moved out of town with a couple of my friends. As soon as I stepped foot in our new apartment, my depression began to spiral completely out of control. I was so, so very lonely and all I wanted was to experience being in love for the first time. But thanks to my roommates being prettier (and looser) than me, any guy that I had a glimmer of hope with was quickly distracted by the other girls or just plain taken away. The guys wanted to be my friends, watch funny movies, hang out, fart and do fun guy things... but never, ever , ever was I seen as someone worthy of a good wooing.
Well there was that one guy, but desperation and alcohol were involved.

A real shot to the heart was when I joined a dating website. I uploaded photos of me and my roommate being silly and a guy messaged me: "Your roommate is hot. What's her name?"

My loneliness and depression began to show. I was often unemployed, didn't take care of myself and wore the same jeans and plain white tee shirt over and over. I even started questioning my own sexuality. Maybe I am gay? Maybe I just don't have what it takes to attract a guy because I'm a big lez?
Nope. I lika-tha dudes.

On my good days, I did my best to dress up. With what little money I had, I would go shopping and hit up the ladies section and tried my darnedest to be pretty. And I was! I knew I was. I even got approached by a lady to model Avon makeup for her portfolio. I had makeup and skirts and it felt good to look this way but my masculinity was just too overpowering and no matter what I did or how I dressed, I was still seen as just one of the guys.

Stay tuned for part 3, maybe the last of these "On femininity" posts.

Part Three: The Girls in the Other Bands

Featuring: the great transformation of 2006.

Oooh the suspense! 

Monday, August 15, 2016

on femininity... part one

"What? You wanna do sumfin about it? Come at me, bro!"

Here's a fun and disturbing bit of Hollie history for you:

When I was young, my mom dressed me like a boy.
Yup. From the time I was a wee tot until I was in high school.
This isn't a joke.
I've been wanting to blog about this topic for a while to kind of explain my disdain for pants, tee shirts and baseball caps. I think I've mentioned it to a couple of bloggers in comments before - but never a full post. To spare you having to read an entire novel, I'll break this up into a few parts.

Me receiving my first bass for my 16th birthday, dressed in a men's undershirt and wide-leg goth pants. An extra large men's bowling shirt usually accompanied this outfit.


So anywho, my mother said she dressed me in boys clothing because I was a terrible tomboy and she was tired of me ruining my clothes, so she dressed me daily in something more durable.
Yes, I was very very much a tomboy but I was the girliest tomboy you could ever meet.

I played with my barbies and all that good stuff but I also climbed trees, played in the mud, caught bugs, rode a three-wheeler, swam in a dirty pond, happily slopped the hogs, practiced whip-cracking and shot birds with my BB gun (I'm not proud of that last one. That's just something country kids do).
I would have done all that and more in an a formal gown, tiara and heels if my mother allowed it.


When my mother was away I would go in her massive walk-in closet and try on her fancy clothes and jewelry, play in her makeup and perfumes just so I could see what it was like to feel and look like a lady.
At school, no boys liked me and there was rumor that I was a lesbian.
It was a rather safe assumption for them to make considering my super close best friend at the time was a bi-sexual goth who dressed in over-sized tee shirts and jeans and with me looking the way I did - I can totally see how people thought I was gay.

But this hurt me so much. I wanted a boyfriend so bad - I was absolutely loco for boys. I was the kind of girl that would fall completely in love with any boy who gave me a smile.
But since they thought I was gay AND I dressed like a boy... welp, no boyfriends for me and barely a shred of attention from any crush I had. There were a couple mini high-school romances but nothing that went beyond holding hands outside after lunch.

The crazy thing is, I wasn't even aware that I looked, dressed and acted like a boy.
It had become a part of my identity and I didn't know how to be anything or anyone else.


When I would stay with my father and sister for the weekend, they would take me shopping and buy me boys clothes too. My sister was a hip high-schooler and dressing like a boy in baggy clothes was the cool thing for black girls to at her school (circa late 90s) . They would make sure their hair was perfect, nails and makeup done but wore basketball jerseys and even men's boxer shorts under their saggy jeans.
My sister would dress me like this so I could look presentable and fit in when she took me to hang out with her friends. I still looked like a boy and hated what I was wearing but at least I looked "cool". My sister and dad preferred a more polished gentlemen's look though, so I was dressed in the most fashionable Bugle Boy polo shirts, Dockers khakis and the finest high-top Reebok basketball shoes money could buy for a 13 year old girl.

Stay tuned for part 2: Just one of the guys


Monday, August 8, 2016

the lumberjack dance



Last month was strange and stressful and this month isn't showing any signs of improvement.
Both of my children have turned into absolute terrors.
River wets himself several times a day, either on purpose to show his frustration with me or simply just because he wants to. This has been going on for weeks now and I'm soooo very sick of it.

He spends well over 10 to 15 minutes in the bathroom just sitting on the toilet, thinking about quantum physics and singing to himself. He takes another 5 minutes to wash his hands - mesmerized by the water as if he's never seen it before.

Now I have to monitor his every potty visit. That means dropping everything that I'm doing several times a day to watch him tinkle and bark orders for how to use the bathroom properly.

Get up! Flush! Pull your pants up! No, wait - pull them back down you got to get the underwear too. Wash your hands! Get the soap... it's right in front of you! Turn on the water! Hurry up son! I've got food on the stove! C'mon!! How have you forgotten how to use the bathroom??? Move it!
Crap! My tilapia is burning!

Well, looks like we're having fish jerky soup for dinner again kids. 


Cedar has become EXTREMELY disobedient over the past few weeks. I have never seen such a strong-willed child in my life. According to Caleb's mom, she takes after him. Out of his 5 brothers and sisters, my husband was the problem child. No spanking, grounding, time-out or any alternative punishment could stop him from disobeying. He did whatever he wanted and punishment was worth it to him. Our 23 month old warrior princess is turning out to be the same way.

 I know a lot of you can't relate to what I'm talking about with the mommy frustrations and all but if you've ever cared for two puppies at the same time... then you get it.
It's kind of like that only... crate training is rather frowned upon for human children.


In other news. Here's what I wore to church.
The dress is a hand-me-down
A scarf-to-vest thingy
Hand-me-down boots 
Cheap jewelry


I think I might go join one of those link-up party things you guys always do on Monday.
Am I old enough? Is there an age limit for those?
I think I only follow three bloggers who aren't old enough to be my mom. I should be an honorary 40+ blogger club member.
Maybe I'll start my own group called the "40+ Bloggers Little Sisters Guild"?
Sounds cute!


Sunday, July 31, 2016

And then I was like...




This dress is new. 
It's dumb though.
I ordered it online because it's cute and cheap... I'M cute and cheap so I was like, ok why not?
Well the dress buttons down the front completely but has no modesty panel and there was no way to tell that in the photos.
Usually when I buy something with buttons I just use fabric glue and seal it shut - you know because of the boobs and all - and I simply slip the garments over my head. Well, can't do that with this one. I'm not even sure how I could sew it shut without it looking all bunched up. 
Meh, I'll figure something out.


So I took a long half slip and pulled it up over my boobs to a cover things up under the dress. The dress remained rather gap free until I started taking photos. I simply tug would have closed the gaps but I guess my husband thought is was supposed to look like that....

I'm going to start injecting him with a little bit of estrogen every night while he sleeps until I see the desired results of a husband that can inform me when my clothes are wonky or when I have LIPSTICK ON MY TEETH.


Ok, so back to this dress. It's a, um, I guess you could say a hi-lo maxi? It's shorter in the front and very long in the back and just baaaarely brushes the ground when I walk. 

I asked my husband to take a photo of the back of the dress and this is what I got...


Uuuuuugggggghhhhhh!


Alright so I completely forgot about this little guy. The chain he came on broke a couple years ago and it never dawned on my to just put him on a new chain until this morning. Heeee's back!
He needs a name.
Any suggestions?


FACE!
BYE!








Monday, July 25, 2016

Sumthin' New

Sorry I'm not sorry for the crappy phone pics...


I'm trying out a new look for this year's faire. Since I've stepped down as director I'm still Daniella Noir the Gypsy Queen and head of the gypsy camp so I'll have more time to perform and entertain and all that jazz soooooo that means I'll need a more practical costume.
The shenanigans I wore last year consisted of waaaaay too many layers, needed constant readjusting and didn't look very "gypsy". 



I need something super fancy and lightweight. I need to be gaudy and stand out so people will know I'm the  queeeeen.... but I need to be able to dance in it. Late September heat cools down to about 85 or 90 but when you're dancing in layers, temperatures don't matter.
Hot it hot.


A cool but about this belt:
After almost passing out whilst performing in a boned corset at the pirates ball, I realized I need something that won't cover my chest, something that will tuck me in and also cover the fact that my skirts are pulled up right under my boobs so I'll have more skirt to dance with.
A regular under-bust corset will still be too tight and my boobs would hang over it in the ugliest way. I searched the internet for days couldn't find what I envisioned I needed. 

One day I was looking through some faire photos and I saw a belt hanging behind a merchant in his booth:

Gasp! I need that style in black! I messaged him on Facebook and my custom belt was at my doorstep just a few days latter!


I'm not going to wear this necklace as a crown again this year. It's not looking right with my head wrap. I might just do a smaller necklace or a string of coins or a cool brooch in the middle and add more flowers and drippy bits.
The whole deal isn't finish. I'm adding some shiny bits to the vest and green over-skirt. Tassels and mirrors and beads and stuff.


So what do you think of my new look?
It's it more "gypsy" that last year?
Would you change or add anything to it?

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

open the gate and seize the gay


Aw man, I've been doing things and stuff. And stuff and things.

I finally bought the domain to my Quirky Bohemian Mama blog. See when you do that, you're waaaaaaay more visible in searches and therefore can spend less time promoting and begging for attention and stuff. So this is the move I've really needed to make but I've had several posts go viral on Pinterest and that brings me like 95% of all my traffic. If my domain name changed, then the pins would be linked to nothing and all my traffic would drop off to nothing. 

Soooo.... what I did was made a copy of the blog so no links will die. 
In a nutshell, the Blogspot blog is still up and its newborn twin is at  www.quirkybohemianmama.com


The problem was I was unable to import my blog to the new domain so I had to copy and paste the HTML to almost aaaaaaaall my posts by hand. It took me 5 days and I finally got it done! 
So to celebrate, here are some completely irrelevant photos to this subject. 

If this outfit looks familiar, well it's because I wore a pink version of it in my last post.


These pics are from my Soul Flower Vibe Tribe (NOT an affiliate link)  blog post for the month. I'm sporting a pair of organic cotton leggings with this great design on them. 

I'm not pimping a product - just bragging about my freebies.


In other news, my diet's going good. The juicing thing caused me some serious digestive problems. I lost a ton of water weight but then packed it on almost overnight when I stopped and started my cycle. I was super miserable.
Has there been a blog post yet where I haven't mentioned my monthlies? Sorry!

So I've gone to a more traditional diet and I'm actually sticking with it: 1,290 calories a day + 10-30 minutes of dance 5 days a week. I'm keeping track of everything on MyFitnessPal and I'm pretty proud of myself.  I've lost 8-lbs in two weeks. Yay!


Don't use these pics to judge my weight loss. If I look thinner in them it's because I've edited the heck out of my enormous bosom so I'll look a normal human being for a bigger audience over at Soul Flower. You guys know I have massive knockers, so I don't have to hide them from you.

Some of you have been with me for years and I feel like we're at that special part of our relationship when I can start peeing with the door open.
I love you guys.
I don't have to edit my boobs for you.
Let's move in together.

Monday, July 4, 2016

Hollie wears a pink dress and pink shoes to another bad festival.




This weekend we went to another failed attempt at a food festival downtown.
Guys, I love festivals and I rarely get to leave the house so that's why I keep trying them out.
I think I'm done now.
This one was the best of the worst. 
It was supposed to be a Cajun catfish festival, right?
But there was no cajun catfish!
There were two vendors selling catfish - but for a CAJUN CATFISH FESTIVAL there was a terrible lack of CAJUN CATFISH aaaaand FOOD.
There were about 8 food vendors, it was the same ol' same ol' corndogs and stuff and they were sooooo spread out over a very large area it was ridiculous.

Let's give them an "B+" for effort - there was a magician this time. He was great but there was hardly anyone there to make a decent audience for him. 

And there was an (Albanian? Hispanic?) Elvis impersonator. He came under the magician's tent and took all the poor guy's attention away. People started swarming him for photos and followed him when he walked away to hide in his pearl-white Escalade.



We ended up getting two boudin balls (boudin rolled into balls, battered and deep fried), a Nacadoches meat pie and a whole tilapia.


So here's really why I'm so frustrated about this festival in particular. The hosts did not and WOULD not advertise the event! Almost as if they didn't want to succeed!

When I heard they were looking for vendors, I made a vendor call post and posted on my Events in Texarkana Facebook page. I asked them to make an event page so I can share and they didn't do it - so I did it for them. Their flyers were missing important info like admission and times and people were coming to me for more info about the event because I was the only one advertising!! I stepped up and helped them promote the event, never letting them know that it was me pushing the event info so hard. 

Even after all I did to help - the attendance was still low and I'm sure it's because people have learned their lessons about these "food festivals" that keep coming up. The vendors leave early because no one is showing up and no one is showing up because no one knows about the events!
So when people come in the afternoon or early evening, almost everyone is already gone.

 
Hispanic Elvis knew about the festival though...
Hispanic Elvis didn't sweat in leather in 97F Texas weather...
Hispanic Elvis is not human.


No worries, River. I'll find you a good festival. Even if I have to create it myself... er, again.


So what are the festivals like where you live?


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Sunday, June 19, 2016

Grab yer booty and say "aaaaarrrrrrrrrrr" + VIDEOS!

You know what time it is....
Pirate Ball Stuff time.

Here are some photos and words and stuff and at the bottom of the post are two videos of my performance. Enjoy.



About the outfit:
I'm wearing a long sleeve sheer wrap top but despite the top being a 2X it still wasn't enough to cover my bosoms. So I wore a bodice over it for support and extra color. I tucked the sleeves upwards into my bra straps to keep the bodice straps from slipping down when I dance. Make sense?
The sheer top and 35 yard skirt are from eBay. Yes the skirt is made from 35 yards of material!
The yellow bodice was handmade by a friend. I'm wearing it inside out since the outer part is a dull orange - just not bright enough.


Me and husband.



The turnout was bigger this year. There were a lot of unfamiliar faces and many people came from out of town. Yippee! We did our usual live music, silent auction and costume contested hosted by Jack Sparrow.








Here is the official crew of the Pirates of Texaaaaarrkana.


And you asked for it so here it is. Me dancing!
I am performing two Russian Gypsy influenced dances.
(Prepare for my list of excuses)
As my skirt is too gathered, I was robbed of a little yardage from my skirt and I was unable to flourish as much as I would like. Had I have known that beforehand, I would have had a much bigger skirt made.

In the video you'll notice a distracting bosom gap in my bodice. Sorry - just giving you warning. I loosened the side laces of the bodice and ran a dress rehearsal and realized I needed to let it out more so the front would fully close... but I forgot to do that. So yeah... bosom gap.
A no no in rennie costuming.

The first  dance is to a traditional Gypsy song, Hai Ne Ne Ne.



The second dance is to Gogol Bordello's "Start Wearing Purple".
I just couldn't give 100% in this routine.
At the very beginning of the dance my feet cramped up horribly and I was extremely out of breath from the tightness of the bodice. I pushed through this routine praying I wouldn't black-out. I was getting tunnel vision and my chest was aching but dang it I made it. I clipped out a little bit of the dance and improvised with some crowd interaction to give myself a break.
Improv.
That's the business of show folks.
And lesson learned:
I will NEVER dance in a boned bodice ever ever ever again.



The part with my husband was improvised as we decided not to do the "pull purple scarves from wife's bosom trick". I failed to replace that gag with something else.  He had no idea what I was going to do and neither did I.  I saw his standing there and thought,  "Sure, why not?"
SMOOCHY TIME!

Bodice free is the way to be!!
(end of the night strip time)

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