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Thursday, May 29, 2014

wow, I'm actually.... depressed...

I'm in a rare mood today. 
Before I started taking my anti-depressants almost ten years ago, this mood was quite normal for me. It wasn't caused by anything in particular.... just an imbalance of chemicals in me ol' noggin. Sadness, anger, frustration, confusion; then, it was for no reason (seriously, really I had a great life)- now it's because well, honestly I live in a really dry and boring town and I have no way out.
I made a list of things this town lacks a few weeks ago and decided to make a humorous blog post about it last night, but as I was typing I realized... there's nothing funny about what this town lacks and there's nothing funny about feeling trapped. I can bring humor to anything - that's how I get through life and I like it that way... but this time -- there's nothing to laugh about.
What's making this even worse for me? My husband is in the middle of opening a gun accessory shop here.
Yes. He's setting us up to be stuck in this awful redneck town forever.... selling things that I hate to the likes of people I can't stand.

Our plan was to open an eccentric ethnic bohemian store but he chose guns instead.

And what's making this worst for me is that my husband is going through one of his insomniac spells so he's a grumpy zombie and I can't talk to him about how much this is hurting me.

Please forgive me for being such a buzzkill.
I've just got to get it out somehow.


  1. I'm sorry about your situation. Your town sounds a lot like how I feel about my hometown. Even thought your husband isn't in the best of moods, try talking to him. This is your life too and if there are any other options (places to open a store) they're worth exploring.

    Hugs to you


  2. Ugh! Nothing worse than feeling trapped in a place you don't wanna be. Most of the time it's my mind that has me trapped. It sounds like hubby has worked out a strategy that will support the family in the style he wants for you all, I can understand your frustration, but perhaps this way, if he's planning on making the most of the redneck love of guns, then perhaps you'll shortly be in a situation where you can open your own fab store too! Hugs to you lovely. xoxo

  3. Ah honey I'm sorry to hear that you are bummed out but you have every right to be. I've always thought that town seems to redneck for you but this is more than just that. When the time is right talk to your man and see if there can be a compromise. I hope things get better for you sweet girl.

  4. Let it out.
    I agree with Desiree. There may be one store now but that doesn't mean there won't also be a bohemian store down the road too. It's hard to launch a business no matter what it is, so the insomnia could be related to that. It will pass. I hope your colours come back to you soon. Hugs.

  5. It's right to let it out, it just festers otherwise and I wish I could give you a big hug - it's a truly crappy thing when you feel so trapped, but I really do agree with Desiree about your husband, if he is capitalizing on the love of guns there it might be a good earner for you all (I know my husband feels the need to support us all financially and drives himself stupid to make it happen, he feels it's his responsibility) and like Melanie said, there is no reason why you can't have your bohemian store too at some point, make sure you look after yourself though, have a little light in your day, I really do feel for you, much love x x x

  6. That sucks big time. Feeling trapped is an awful feeling. America is so different to here in such thing as gun shops for the general public. I can imagine the feeling of terror you feel at your hubby committing to something in a place you'd rather not be. Hang in there & hold onto hope & trust it will all work out in the end. Xx

  7. I hear ya, sister. Relationships are hard. Communicating isn't as easy as people say. We can talk but that doesn't mean our partner is listening. If possible, try to discuss future plans that go beyond the immediate and, in the process, coax your man into incorporating some of your needs. Nobody's needs should be neglected.

  8. Everyone who has already commented has made some really good points - your husband is probably feeling like he has to provide for all four of you, and that's making him both pragmatic and insomniac. If a gun accessory store is profitable, that makes other ventures possible later. Or you might be able to sell the store and move to another town. If he's set on it, maybe you should just make sure it's a really good income for the next few years while the kids are small. But never stop looking further ahead. You may feel stuck now, but let that be your inspiration to make a better life, one step at a time.

  9. I have to add one more thing that's really important - these kinds of big decisions need to be made together. You're partners. You need to talk.

  10. The arrival of another child might be making your hubby nervous about the cash flow for your family, as others have pointed out---and your husband's choice of store will probably be a more stable source of income than a clothing store at this point But, that doesn't mean you can't open the store you want to, down the line. You are young and you've got lots of time :) Sometimes we just have to wait on our dreams a bit.

  11. here's a hug for you, sweetie. I know how you feel

  12. I'm sorry you're feeling so badly, Holly. I hope that you can talk to your husband about how you're feeling. I have a feeling that both you and your husband want the same thing: what's best for your family. If you can establish that common ground, maybe that will aid the communication process and help you reach a compromise. Thinking of you. Xoxo

  13. Aww Holly. I'm sending a big hug across the airwaves. I'm sorry you are trapped in a place that doesn't suit the vibrant person that you are. And I would be down too if my husband was about to open such a store. Your boho dream store sounds wonderful but based on what you've said about your town, it could lead to great struggle. Ultimately you will have to move because you must for your own well being, so maybe your husband can build up the business he has chosen and then he can sell it to someone, and you guys can move somewhere that suits you both.

  14. Feeling trapped, wanting desperately to leave the place you are in is like the worse feeling ever :( I'm sorry you have to go through this. It just sucks that he chose to open a store in a place that you hate. If anything he should have probably made sure he set up shop in a area you are BOTH satisfied with. I know that sometimes things just happen, but these are huge decisions and it makes a lot of sense for you to be upset. I wonder is there anyway for you guys to move to a different area while he runs his business? or is it all red-neck city for an hour out of your city? Cus maybe you guys could move and he could commute to and from work.
    Anyway, I hope you feel better and I know you'll get through this.


  15. Just catching up on your blog and reading this made me wish I could send a big hug. All the comments are great and I think the main this is communicate communicate communicate. You express yourself so well in your blog I know you can make time with your man to talk to him.


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