reluctantly crouched at the starting line

 Smile and rejoice, for today I have quit my job at the bomb factory and now I have the time to author a decent blog post.
Ok, I never worked at a bomb factory but I have worked in fast food. It's kinda the same thing...

 Sunday, I got all gussied up for our church's 20th anniversary celebration. I decided to finally give my favorite vintage granny hat a shot and it worked out just fine. I've been pretty reluctant to wear it because it had a greasy old worn our elastic chin strap that didn't do much to keep the hat on. I finally just cut off the strap and slid bobby pins through the lace and into my hair. It stayed on like a champ.

 And, I actually wore heels. If you know anything about me, I avoid heels like the plague. I have very flat and wide caveman feet that seem to get fatter and more gross the older I get. But these babies are 9 WIDES so I can strut it up and down the catwalk for up to four whole hours!

 Here's a quick funny story about these shoes: My co-worker was wearing them one day and I said, "OH! I Love those shoes! Can I have them (jokingly)?" She thought a minute and said, "Ok."

It was that easy!

Now whenever I see someone wearing something I like, I ask if I can have it.

You'd be surprised at how many people will literally give you the clothes off their backs! All you have to do is ask.

I have a collection of "gimme gimme" garments!

And here's something I've been meaning to share with you all for a while. Have you seen my ears lately? No, well here they are! Crazy! I'm gonna stretch them 'till they hang down to my shoulders and flap in the wind.

Kidding... or am I?

 AND:

I got a loverly gift in the mail last week!!

Dig these handmade wrist warmers made by the uber fantastic blogging sensation Poa of Project Minima. I saw these wrist warmers in one her posts, I said I liked them and she sent them to me!!! Aren't they fun?!

 And now let's venture further down Random Road. Hm?

This Saturday (the 8th), me and my crew are hosting a Valentine's Day masquerade ball fundraiser for the faire. The dress code is semi-formal or costume. Since I'm broke (and too busty) for a formal, I went for costume.

 I whipped up this headband in a just a few minutes. I like it but I'm not sure if I'll actually wear it because it doesn't really match the gothic Victorian circus theme of my outfit. Plus the hearts are all willy-nilly because I was too impatient to wait for the hot glue to dry properly.

Alrighty, homeskillets. I'm off to go make myself sick on chocolate cake. Peace out.

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{source}

RIP

Philip Seymour Hoffman

1967-2014

snow white and the 7 hobbits

Last weekend I went to my friend's Hobbit themed birthday party for his grand ol' 30th year celebration.

Someone asked me at the party if I had intentionally dressed in Snow White's signature color combo.

It was a total accident I swear. And a very cute accident if I may say so myself!

Men love Lord of the Rings and they love Legos. Put the two together and you've got yourself one happy birthday dude.

I'm not sure who made this little hobbit entrance but I'm going to guess it was his mom and/or sister because they're just cute and creative like that. How cute is this?

 River and the Hubs

 ...and a dude with a guitar.

I know this has been a rather lazy post... but right now, I'm being a rather lazy lady this evening.

See you all later. I'm going to go... not... do things.

pop pop pop

For the past few days I've been obsessing over putting together the perfect playlist for my upcoming Valentines Day Ball fundraiser. 

I had no idea how out of touch with today's pop music I am until I started sniffing around for other dance tunes besides the B-52s Love Shack.

While looking through today's Top 40s hits to add to the playlist I found myself scratching my head trying to figure out: "What's a Bruno Mars?? Lady Googoo?  Beyonce is still alive? Kanye Who?" 

I hate today's pop music - for obvious reasons. It sucks Let's face it. It's pretty terrible. 

So to show you my frustration - I'm going to do a costume change mid-blog post.

 I stopped listening to the radio over ten years ago, only tuning in once a year to hear some Christmas tunes during the holiday season.... maybe a bit of NPR if I'm feeling bold... or if I left my CDs at home and have nothing else to listen to while driving.

I gave up on keeping up with popular music over ten years ago and starting looking into what's going on in the world. No, I don't mean like political United Nations superhero-ish, I mean what's going on in the world musically. What do those other cats have to offer? Goodness, that's what. And it's not just the ethnic sounds from other countries that tickle my fancy, there are plenty of bands here in America that like to dabble in ethnic spices: Gogol Bordello and A Hawk and a Hacksaw are the top two on my list right now.

So how do you feel about the pop music where you live? Are you still in tune or have you moved on?

Don't ignore this video. You'll hate yourself for doing so.

One!

Yup, little River is one year old now. Well, not until tomorrow (the 20th) but you know what I mean.

We threw him a small and mostly DIY travel themed party....

 ...with road atlas paper chain and real maps as décor.

...and a few low cost dishes from around the globe complete with little flag picks I made myself.

And one single cupcake for the birthday boy to destroy. 

 At first he just poked at it, unsure of what the heck a cupcake is.

 After a few minutes of just poking it, we finally scraped off some if the scary blue icing and broke it in half for him to show him that it is indeed edible.

 He catches on fast.

 Happy birthday to my favorite baby hipster!

it ain't easy being cheesey

When I was a little girl, the first career path I declared I wanted to follow was fashion designer and second, circus ring master.

In jr high, thanks to the release of Animal Planet on satellite TV, I wanted to become a vet. I even studied encyclopedias every morning as I ate my breakfast cereal so I could get a head start on learning about animals. 

After a month or two I got bored with all of that, took up an interest in film. I wrote my first movie script when I was 13 (writing scripts is now one of my hobbies). When I entered high school I was pretty sure that I wanted to go down the film/TV/acting road.

 In ninth grade a career counselor visited my class and asked each student to share what he or she wanted to be when they grow up. The answers were mostly "football coach", "firefighter", "policeman" and "doctor".

When it was my turn to speak I proudly stated, "I want to do the voices of cartoons!"

The career counselor rolled his eyes and said "They hire actors for that. Be realistic."

By senior year, it was time for me to hurry up and make up my mind about a career so I could find the right college. At the urging of my mother I turned away from film, went back to the more "realistic" career of fashion design... and then at the last minute I went with theater.

I finished one year of college and never went back.

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Desired career honorable mentions:

Comedian

Policewoman (true)

Photographer (every girl goes through that phase)

Museum Curator

Rock Star

Magician (or magician's assistant)

Plus sized model

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Actual Jobs I've had

Waitress

Fast food... person

Hotel desk clerk

Museum gallery "attendant" (a guard with a flashlight)

Bank Teller

Cashier at a dollar store

Accounts Verification Clerk at a bank

Ad Typist

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Saved the best for last:

A few years ago I was a stock-girl at a discount fashion boutique. From day one, I wasn't allowed to run the cash register or even go behind the counter. I found out later it was because someone told the boss that I was mentally challenged and absolutely incapable of handling money.

I've heard some wild rumors about myself before, but that one tops them all!

So here's a question for you all:

When you were young what was your answer to

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"?

Bonus question:

Have you ever been accused of being retarded??

V-day pimp

So I totally just read and commented on about twenty of you guy's blog posts only to realize that none of my comments were going through. So I switched from Chrome to Explorer and voila. Problem fixed. I don't know what the heck is going on. So, please don't think I'm not  keeping up with you lovely ladies, I'm just having some weird browser issues over here!

I'm alive but I'm not doing too well over here. What I thought was a bad month-long kidney infection has turned into what could possibly be osteoarthritis in my spine and hip. Fun!! I'm just waiting on my health insurance to come through so I can finally get it properly checked out. It could be something very easy to fix... like maybe an alien laid it's eggs in my muscles? Just cut me open and scoop them out. Easy, right?

Well, in the meantime I've been doing all that I can to keep myself distracted from the pain. Working, planning, cleaning, complaining, bank robbering...

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  We've got our 3rd annual Valentines day fundraiser coming up - that's a pretty darn good distraction.

The first year we hosted a casual shindig at a coffeehouse. I hired a comedian and a blues singer, and we raffled off naughty sexy gifts. We set up a pretty awesome evening... and no one showed up.

The second year was steampunk themed and that went extremely well but because steampunk is kind of dying out we've decided to go with something more "safe" for this year.

I've been trying to come up with a good costume for the ball - Something, pretty, unique but easy to work in. When you manage events, you don't just dress up, show up and give orders. You gotta WORK! Decorate, entertain, manage, clean, refill the punch bowl, reapply your lipstick, wipe off the sweat and keep smiling!

That may sound like a tough gig, but I love it. I really do.

Indeed this is a masquerade ball but I really hate wearing masks...plus I'm a face sweater and wearing a mask will leave me dripping and angry -  so I'm just going to paint one on.

I like this "shadow mask" I created using black eye shadow. I'm going to stick with that look and just make the "mask" darker.

And the rest of the costume is a surprise. You'll get to see it soon enough!

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Also, I've inherited another round of vintage jewelry from my Great Aunt Louise who passed away a couple of months ago.

 If you don't remember me mentioning Aunt Louise before then you can read more about this interesting character in this post. She was a wild chick.

 Aunt Louise is on the right in the dark blue dress. See that attitude?!?

 

So here are some of the good pieces I've found so far in the collection. All of these have been listed in my Etsy shop. I haven't been able to list much because sometimes the back pain gets pretty ridiculous and sunshine has been scarce around here lately, thus making picture taking very difficult.

Aaaand it's raining again right now.

Westclox pocket watch

 Avon perfume vial necklace

Vintage brass pen and mechanical pencil set

 Brooch and earring set, very Mardi Gras.

 And a  vintage Time brand Twist-o-flex men's watch.

All off these items are listed in my shop for low prices, because I know some of you heifers out there are just a cheap as I am!

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Well, that's it for now. Now I'm off to go buy a new spine from the Black Market.

Wish me luck.

2013: a brief summary

January 20th: Had a baby boy named River. His birth was supposed to be a natural birth at a birthing center but labor stalled for a few hours and I had to get an emergency C-section due to a rather large fibroid blocking the birth canal. 

 February: Back to work already, hosting a Steampunk Valentine's Day Ball

 March: Our first Easter

April 18th: My 28th birthday. The most boring and by far the most disappointing birthday ever.

  May: Cross dressed for the first time ever.

June: Went to New York for the first time!

July: My first TV interview for the faire.

August: Hosted a beard and moustache competition that was a total flop.

 September: Didn't win an Alaskan Cruise.

 October: Hosted the 2nd annual Texarkana Renaissance Faire. Eh, it was ok.

 November: River's first Thanksgiving.

December: River's first Christmas, and our first "real" Christmas.

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So that's it! How was your 2013? Good? Bad? So-so???