bringing in the new year at the ER

So through some late night emails, my midwife expressed to me how concerned she was about me not taking my preeclampsia symptoms more seriously. 

All my life I've never had to worry about anything like that. I was raised to think that if you just wait it out, it'll go away- and it always does for me. We don't go to the hospital unless something is seriously wrong. I've felt much worse than this- so I've just been dealing with the discomforts and moving on. 

To me, headaches, swelling, dizziness and shortness of breath just sounded like pregnancy. 

 My midwife sent me a link with a detailed list of  preeclampsia symptoms and I went into a panic after reading it. I didn't realize how many of those symptoms I had been experiencing for quite some time now. 

On the site I kept seeing the words "life threatening" and "fatal"... then a serious headache set in and I went bonkers.

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When we got to the ER at about 1am they came to pick me up in a wheelchair within just a couple of minutes of waiting to send me to labor and delivery. I was super embarrassed about riding in a wheelchair and kept my head down the whole time just in case someone was there that knew me. I could walk- the only problem was that my maternity jeans were too tight in the thigh area and that gave me a much exaggerated waddle.

And when I heard they were whisking me away to labor and delivery I was terrified. 

All this over a headache?!?!?

I started to feel like a big silly sissy and I immediately started to regret going to the ER. I wanted to turn back and go home but my husband kept reminding me that we just can't take the risk of not having all this checked out.

After filling out a bunch of paperwork, they sent to a dim room. There I stripped down and put on a dingy, ratty open-back robe and gave urine. They asked me some questions about how I've been feeling and hooked me up to all sorts machines that I didn't understand.

I was tired, uncomfortable and my head was still pounding.

They asked me if I wanted some Tylenol and I said YES- desperately.

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While waiting, I really started to feel frustrated and confused. I kept shaking my head saying out loud, "I don't understand."

I don't understand how I've felt like pure doodoo during this whole pregnancy and now all of a sudden a headache and a little dizziness can mean the beginning of something that can kill you.

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After about an hour the nurse came in to tell me that everything looks great:The baby, my blood pressure, my urine- all great. Just a bad headache.

I was super grateful to hear this news but I still wanted to stomp and scream "All this for nothing?!?!?"

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No.

At 38 weeks pregnant I'm just now learning the meaning of "better safe than sorry" when it comes to my health and the the health and safety of my baby. 

Yes, I had forgotten that when I feel bad, it's not just ME who could be in trouble. There's a human being growing inside of me that needs me to be as healthy as possible.

I don't feel silly about going to the ER anymore. 

Should my symptoms continue, I will go back to the hospital every day if need to ensure the safety of me and my baby.

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Going to the hospital because you're concerned for yourself and your baby is nothing to be ashamed of.

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Better safe than sorry.

First lesson of 2013: learned.